It’s the 4th of July Not Christmas in July
by UnratedCrimsonBlood
Summary: One-shot for ShadowDancer666. A Day in the life of Whammy’s “gifted” psychos and their pursuit to find their personal meaning of “Christmas in July.” What becomes of everyone during the festive, when Christmas is brought into the picture? Therestinside.


**It's the 4th**** of July- Not Christmas in July! **

**Crackish Death Note One-shot for ShadowDancer666! Hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it out. XD **

**Fanfic : Death Note**

**Fanfic Setting : Alternate World; where L nor BB or A/Matt and Mello all died and Light wasn't Kira, but they did, however meet over a case. :D **

**Genre : Romance/Humor **

**Rating : M**

**Summary : One-shot for ShadowDancer666. A Day in the life of Whammy's "gifted" psychos and their pursuit to find their personal meaning of "Christmas in July." What becomes of everyone during the festive, when Christmas is brought into the picture? Hell bent on wheels and sexual content. **

**Warnings : OOC Characters, Language, Crack, sexual themes, suggested themes, Shounen-Ai, implied Yaoi, etc. **

**© Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata owns Death Note!!!!**

"**Merry Christmas! Lets go and walk around the Christmas tree and carol-around some old people! Merry Christmas!" Matt shouted blithely, drawing immediate attention to him. Matt being overexcited, began jumping up and down, dashing past the semi cluttered hallways of Whammy's in an olive green elf's suit that looked suited for him, with the grin worth a thousand words. The other students gaped entirely at the Mahogany fellow in a tight elf suit, ranting and rambling on, loudly, about Christmas; when in fact it's the 4****th**** of July. **

**He randomly clenched onto a small sized candy cane closest to his grabby fingers, swiping the candy cane from his olive green elf pants and quickly, as soon as he pin pointed Mello in the crowd of children socializing within the hallways, he immediately ran up to his best companion/lover. Mello turned around to greet Matt when he shoves the sweetening, Christmas candy inside of his parted lips. "Merry Christmas, Mels!" **

**Mello growled irately, spitting the strawberry flavored candy cane, in disgust, the minute Matt grinned cheekily towards his best friend. Mello glared maliciously toward his stupid lover in an elf's outfit, wiping his mouth contaminated with filth, the candy cane Matt reluctantly shoved in his mouth without asking for his permission. Mello's addicted **to chocolate, not some phony bologna crap only used for Christmas trees! Matt audaciously beamed, tightly embracing Mello as he gleefully jumped up and down; compared to a hyperactive kid with ADD. Mello's eyebrow arched suspiciously and attentively, scrutinizing Matt's childish behavior through his own actions.

"Do you have ADD or something?" Mello wondered out loud, rubbing his temples in confusion. "You know that today is…" Mello stopped in his tracks. A wicked, demeanor smile played obliviously on his parted lips, sending a shiver shooting down Matt's spine. Matt knew _that_ look and the hunger reflecting in his cerulean eyes gave it all away. "But Melly, Its Christmas Time! You know, when you give gifts and show the people you love the true meaning of Christmas!" More than ever and prior to the fire incident, Mello wanted to reach out and slap the poster child for retardation directly in the face (to put some sense, maybe?), but instead of being akin to his brute and dangerous means of getting to someone, a wholesome smile crept on his lips. This was a start to something…rather worthwhile and catchy, for Matt's behalf that is.

"That reminds me. Where's my German and Swedish chocolate you promised you would bring, _Matty-kins_?" The _innocence _of Mello's devious voice dripped of venom, drizzling down his throat like chocolate syrup. Matt oblivious to the thoughts running wild in Mello's head stood precisely close to the other, trying to prevent Mello from being Hell on wheels. Without chocolate, there was absolutely no hope to it. Matt remained statue-like, not motioning to the door or peeping a single word as he came face-to-face with Mello's glowering cerulean eyes, but what drove Matt wild was the endearing demeanor expression playing on Mello's face. His magic was working well on him.

"But Santa," Mello spoke, naughtily shoving Matt against the wall and his eye prying on ripping the adorable elf outfit off of Matt's body. "I've been a _naughty _boy this year. Don't I deserve to be spanked with a paddle and get a whole lotta lovin'?" Matt's smile only grew wider. Matt licked his lips hungrily as his brain raked of thoughts of the fanatical steamy bathroom sex they would have during the middle of the night or sneaking out during roll call to make out on the cafeteria's tables naked. There were three things, three **very **importantthings to Matt and essential to adult hood : Mello, video games, and of course, the sex.

________________________________________________________________________

L, sitting awkwardly on the cushioning red armchair, overheard an overly hyperactive Matt rambling and babbling on about an coherent, but wrong topic-Christmas, yet, its July. But never wrongfully placed that incoherent facts on him. Matt has a good-willing and diligent way of dealing in the midst of problems, as well a yearning soul desperate to seek knowledge from the real world, unlike his chocoholic heir willing to reach for the top in lies and deception. L sighed inwardly, carefully sipping steaming hot black coffee. L ran his bony finger straight through his disheveled, unsettling locks of raven hair settling near his eyes, not noticing a silhouette standing imperceptibly in the background, smirking gradually as he scrutinized the actions L fascinated himself with. L heard a snicker emerge and turned his head to the side, spotting the honey brown eyed 18 year old standing collectively by the doorway while a childish smile played genuinely on his lips. L chuckled inwardly, "Santa!!" L leaped into Light's arms, snuggling close to his chest as the younger male stared perplexedly, wondering what has gotten into the usual monotonous, lanky 21 year old detective.

Light rolled his eyes slowly, crediting the childish behaving detective for his uncanny means of being _abnormal._ "Baka, Its not Christmas, Its July. In fact, today's the 4th of July, in which we are going to eat Shepard's pie and drink until we are blue in the face. You are much stupider than you actually credit yourself for and as you probably know by now, Watari is passing rum cake and Almond bundt cake flavors around the orphanage." L jumped out of Light's arms, rushing past the 18 year old with delight twinkling in his eyes and a heart set out for cake.

"OH, Cake! MINE!"

Light averted his attention to the lanky man blissfully reentering the room with a platter full of sweets and anything you could sink your teeth into. Light rolled his eyes, sighing softly as he watched the detective devourer the sweets in a matter of minutes.

________________________________________________________________________

"Since it's a _loving _holiday and I desire to be showered with gifts," BB began, rather suddenly, licking his lips unhurriedly and his sanguine eyes averted at the nervous glance Almost directed while tying him roughly against the King sized bed, evidently leaving semi-marred bruises and purple and black hickeys on his pale and silky neck. A stared, anxious and frightened on BB's behalf and the possible kinky activities he could force on A. "I want a long lasting _gift. _A gift from deep down below, Almost _Birthday_. And you know damn well what I truly desire." BB purred the last part, making it almost impossible for A to escape the sexual wrath of his lover and his very commanding demands.

A, more or less as dim as he seems, laid dumbfounded on the bed with his legs sprawled all out, accommodated by gorgeous, scarlet silk, wrapped neatly around his legs like a birthday present intended for a maturing adult. "Ummmm…Jam?"

BB's grinning Cheshire expression immediately flipped upside down. The Masochist slid the rough leather whip around his ghostly pale skin, like a obedient snake appealing quickly to its own master. Without a doubt, BB's smile grew only wider as the moment passed, studying A's strong, with held emotions draw blank as he swathed a solid black blindfold around A's eyes, bounding his lover from the unexplainable. The unexplainable that only his crimson eyes were emitted to, and his only.

"Ohhh, we are going to have a _great _time, especially when I get to hear you moan raucously on my behalf and on my given name. Isn't that right, Almost?" BB declared sinisterly, tightening the grip of A's blindfold and a placed a gag perfectly in place. It couldn't get any better than that. "We are going to play _such _a intriguingly advanced game that will satisfy our longing desires, so don't act like you don't _love _the needy little attention I'm giving to you and your adorning body of yours. Oh, how I cannot wait to see how the hickeys and bite marks are going to look on **your **body, Almost. Ohhhh, how you are making me play mind games on you and your little body. You. Are. Going. To. Scream." A few muffles were emitted incoherently, but Beyond Birthday's manically cackling covered the apparent cries of help and pushed himself onto A's exposed torso. A few rough, but slow kisses were planted onto A's silky, soft neck. The real games were about to begin.

________________________________________________________________________

"Are you Santa?" Near inquired surprisingly. Near knew from the previous occasion with Mello and the other children in Whammy's - Santa wasn't realistic as opposed to a historical person who died, yet, Santa Claus served as a fictional character of one's childhood for every child who had a prominent means of growing up.

The senile, but spiteful man in the Santa suit snorted, "Who the fuck do _you _actually perceive me as? The Man in the gay and outrageous Easter Rabbit suit or that fucking Toothy Fairy!?"

Near stared, frightened and confused at the raunchy old fart standing before him, in an original Santa suit and smelling of Whiskey and a carton of Marlboro cigarettes. "No, but you smell of cheap liquor and an excessive amount of fart, as well as Marlboro cigarettes and old, expired onions." The old man bewildering glances crippled his movement, noting his similar appearances to Roger, but more scruffier and fatter. (Makes you think of Bad Santa, eh?) Near wanted to holler louder than he could ever had or force himself to run, but the intriguing pseudo-Santa himself wasn't easy as he looked he could be.

The senile man chuckled hastily, clutching his stomach as his laughter continued on, moving his hands away from his overly large pot belly. "You are so _smart _for a child, a little girl your age."

Near shot the man a impassive glare. "For your incompetent mind and for your information, I'm not a female, but the opposite sex as perceived, denoting the psychical and emotional traits that males and females have, such as their structure as well as their sexual reproductive areas. Unless they are hermaphrodites and have the other's structure, since they were born with that developmental "disability". I'm predominantly male, but has been mentioned that I have somewhat feminine flaws."

The drunken elder swiftly grabbed the liquor from behind his suit and hastily swigged the red Vodka inside of the solid container and drank it whole, not noticing the bulging and oval onyx eyes following the liquid quickly going inside of the man's system. "Whatever, you silly little girl!" And with that last statement said and done, the drunk pseudo-Santa passed out onto the floor, to not gain consciousness until…whenever he awoke from being a drunkard.

"Its **NOT** Christmas, you retards, it's the 4th of July, baby! Why do you think we are actually eating Shepard's pie and staying up past our bed times and lighting explosive firecrackers? Pfffhhh! Roger wouldn't let us do that, unless it's a holiday where he gets off break from us terrible tweens and the psycho mid-adult residents." One of the older and somewhat wiser Whammy resident stated in a matter-of-fact manner. His piercing hazel nearly bulged out of his eye sockets, sighting something incredibly insane, on his behalf. "Hahaha! Look at the pretty lights flashing! And the way RR's hand gotten blown off, that was some sick and twisted ways. Sweet!"

Dumbass.

________________________________________________________________________

Matt couldn't fathom the language coming out of L's mouth, L, for Kami's sake!

"Beyond Birthday, why did you bondage poor Almost and forced him into playing one of your sick, demented games you pass off as fun?"

"BB, why did you Vontage when A is settled here, in Winchester? Its all common sense, if you really think about it, dude. DUH!" Matt remarked coherently, receiving a smack across the head by an agitated Mello, who flushed at the word bondage.

Mello smacked his hand against his forehead. It was quiet obvious Matt hadn't paid any special attention towards the "revolting"_ videos _they stimulated during their many nights in secret, with no one in sight. "You freaking Dumbass, don't you EVER pay attention to anything, even to the naked guys doing hardcore shit in the porno's we've watched before in our childhood? Did you specifically pay attention to the one where the man roughly pinned the woman and the other man to the wall and tightly wrapped the silky, velvet…" Mello regarded the nasty image running like a slid show through his head and cocked his head to catch sight of the others standing besides him in the room staring at him with a hard expression plastered on their faces.

"What!? Porno's are a part of growing up!" Mello defensively growled, as Matt tugged at Mello's leather clad hips.

A shot back, even though the conversation wasn't pertaining to him. He kind of found the conversation as creepy as BB's obsession with those Wara Ningyo dolls. A shuddered. "Yeah, porno is for those fucked up children who end up being serial rapist."

Matt decided to spice the moment, settling his hands up against Mello's hips. "Whose your **Daddy**?" Matt questioned rather hastily, swinging Mello's within his large hands. Mello seductively licked his lips in sultry, throttling his head onto Matt's motioning right shoulder and sustained anything inappropriate from slipping. Matt thrust his pelvis up against Mello's ass, grinding on him as both began to engage in a form of dancing to the beat playing (Out of nowhere) in the background, as BB encouraged the duo to continue on.

"Mmmm…I'm in so much trouble. Ohhh, Daddy! Spank me, pull my hair!" Mello moaned, glancing in the corner of his cerulean eyes to witness Light gag in disgust. L stared in astonishment as well as BB, A, Roger, Near and Watari, who all (Except BB and A) seemed to be on the verge of going into a lethal state of cardiac arrest and won't be able to awaken from the comatose state Mello and Matt placed them in.

Almost angrily twitching, swung his fist into B's pale skin, but BB was unaffected by his lover's attempt to get his point across. "Beyond Birthday," When Almost called Beyond Birthday by his given name and not by any of the shortening names used frequently by the other Whammy residents, it was futile to fight or argue his petite lover in anyway possible- and take victory. "Do you _always _have to be so _perverted _and so badly behaved!? Lord, I'm usually surprised their aren't mini Beyond Birthdays or Mini Mihael Keehl's on a rampage or sending nuclear bombs in this-"

Matt saliently interrupted A's rambling, for the good and the bad. "What's Crack-a-Lack in, Bitches? I wanted to make a special shout on this Christmas day!"

A slapped his forehead harder than usual, his face flushing in annoyance, rather than in embarrassment. "-in this facility! Lord help us all and our screw up nature. Help me for sure, I'm suffering a nervous breakdown in the process of these **arrogant **and _uncorroborated _ people! BB's sex crazed and I'm sore from the 5 times we had kinky and unorthodox sex! Near's freaking asexual! Light Yagami and L are fucking like a bunch of rabbits during mating season! Matt's the poser child for **retardation**, ADD, ADHD, OCD, and Asperger's syndrome! And Mihael- I mean Mello. Drama Queen. Don't get me started on you, Mello : You Bi-polar, Chocoholic, who frequently gets sexually hungry! Arrgggh! Its not CHRISTMAS!! I should have left this hell bent Cuckoo-fake-La La land a long time ago when I had the damn chance!" A finally blew up, storming heatedly with Beyond right behind him, hot on pursuit as Matt and Mello stared collectively at the older dweller and began laughing. They stopped as soon as a song popped into both of the wicked minded heirs' heads.

Matt and Mello pressed their faces together and pressed their lips out, their voices now turning into crooning and dancing. "It's Christmas in Hollywood Santa's back up in the hood So meet me under The mistletoe lets fuck It's Chanukah in Inglewood The dreidel spinning in the hood So meet me by the Menorah lets get drunk!!

So I don't give a fuck If your naughty or nice You might still get a Rolly and a gang on ice So write your list and Never have no fear Have a Hollywood Christmas And an Undead new year! Fuck yeah-"

Both Matt and Mello were cut off by an irritated L, who stared at them in a serious manner. They knew what they were doing was amiss, but still continued on. L clearly wished sometimes he didn't have heirs to take his place when he dies, not to mention the psychological and trouble-causing heirs.

"Inappropriate language isn't necessary to be using in this type of environment. Mello and Matt, you both know very well that they're children in this presence."

"But L, you use that language when I top."

I hope you liked the crack…or the points that its too crazy. XD This is for ShadowDancer666! And I hope she likes it! HAPPY 4th OF JULY EVERYONE! Hehehe…A. Blasting like that…XD


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